Self Deconstruction

"There is no self-destructiveness without the distruction of others.

We are not alone."

Jim Harrison, Off to the Side, a Memoir


Mmmm. Sunday morning.

A week or two ago, I had a great moment of clarity. A feeling that I both understood and was satisfied with myself, my world, my place in my world. Fulfilled. And then, again, it was gone.

I thought, when I was a young woman, that I would have these feelings more often and for longer periods as I got older. What did I know?

I've come to think that we can't hang on to that feeling because we are programmed to search for more, always. That we itch inside our ribs and throats constantly. And it's appeased rarely, and usually only by a turkey dinner.

In highly developed countries, we've worked to fill ourselves with ready foodstuffs and entertainments, with bigger, faster, more convenient and easily cleaned stuff.

But the great need remains, transforming itself into compulsive behaviors, out of place anger and aggression, road rage, online flaming, greed, many forms of behavior that can be lumped under that crazy, psycho-babbley but useful term: self-destructiveness.

Many of us are online reading diet articles, forums, blogs, because our hunger/drive/search for more than we really need has resulted in excess weight, weakness.

Many of us who are overweight might also have heavy debt, a lead foot, ulcers, a drinking problem, gambling addictions. Or we might be adept at trading one addiction for another over time, like trading overeating for overtraining. Always looking for the next thing.

My personal demon is addiction to the next thing. When I have so much already. It's my craziness. I'm going to go offline now and spend some time writing about THAT in my own little book today.

What will you write about in your book today?


JuJu


Or don't write, read:

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front, Wendell Berry
She had some horses, Joy Harjo
I Go Back to May 1937, Sharon Olds
Visions and Interpretations, Li-Young Lee