Tuesday, April 01, 2003
Your Inner Fool
posted by Julie |
"As seen on NBC, CBS, CNN, and even Oprah.
As reported on in the New England Journal of Medicine.
Reverses aging while burning fat, without dieting or exercise.
Forget aging and dieting forever And it's Guaranteed!
1.Body Fat Loss
3.Increased Energy Levels
4.Muscle Strength improvement
5.Increased Sexual Potency
6.Improved Emotional Stability
Lose weight while building lean muscle mass
and reversing the ravages of aging all at once."
I get this spam-mail in my inbox maybe 10 times a week. I swear. It's one of the curses of having a very old and widely distributed email address. As a person who writes marketing copy myself, I have to offer grudging respect to the copywriter who managed in such short space to push so many emotional buttons for a product that may turn out to be cayenne pepper in a gel capsule, or an expensive protein supplement, or worse.
I don't know what they're selling exactly, and I will never know, because I just don't follow these ads. They piss me off too much. I think they're cruel. I think they're really quite base and cruel.
But I'm willing to bet it's an FDA approved, digestable, possibly harmless, but probably not, placebo for desperate souls who are not listening to their inner fools.
In literary terms, the fool isn't an idiot. The fool is just the opposite. He's the character who knows all, the whole story, while the main, "reasoning" characters must to learn and discover in more painful and human ways what the fool already knows. The fool is women's intuition. The fool is your knowing self, the one you rarely listen to, or can't hear for all the other noise in your life: the kids, the boss, the spouse, the commercials, the club, the pub, the news.
My fool sits on my shoulder, with bells on her toes and tsks and knows better, and chides me and giggles behind her hand when I fall for ads like the one above -- something I used to do when I was desperate to get the weight off. Pills and bottles came in the mail, or were snuck under the groceries in my cart. When I got them home, and read the directions, they usually carried the same advice… Take two of these per day, and oh by the way, our before-and-after models got the best possible results by following a sensible diet and getting moderate exercise. And no, we can't guarantee results. And check with your doctor if there are any complications.
Of course the pills and cures are not always sold by mail-order shysters. Appetite suppressants and metabolism boosters are prescribed every day for people who may or may not need them, and who may or may not suffer for them. Me? I learned the hard way that diet pills can cause real and lasting damage. I am still recovering from a bad run-in with Fastin in 1994. Is Fastin bad? It's the wrong drug for a lot of us. And unfortunately, you may not know if it's wrong for you until it's too late. I don't blame my Doc. The drugs are tested. Docs would love to successfully treat obesity, which is the worse of many health-risking evils. They look forward to new drugs, tools to help their patients. But they don't have the tools.
You have your inner fool. I know it sounds a little new agey, doesn't it? It's not. It's old-timey. The idea is relying on your common sense, your own wisdom. I thoroughly believe you know yourself well enough to find your best path to slow weight loss and steady strengthening. You are able to gather information and follow your nose, and when you learn something that makes sense for you… well your pulse quickens, doesn't it? When you encounter a "cure" or a fast fix, your inner fool shakes his head, doesn't he?
I'm betting that voice is in there, if you can quiet things down enough to listen. When I listen, here's what my fool tells me:
*There is no fast way to lose weight safely.
*Losing weight requires eating less and exercising. Period.
*It is possible to improve your metabolism through exercise, grazing, nutrient balancing (fat, protein, carbs).
*The perfect nutrient balance is different for each one of us.
*It is possible to lower your metabolism by undereating.
*Exercise improves your memory.
*Exercise improves your sex life.
*Exercise and water improve your digestion.
*Eating after 6 p.m. interrupts your sleep, slows weight loss, makes you groggy.
*Green Tea is your friend.
Okay, it's not great ad copy. And it no one gets rich selling diet products that encourage patience, persistence, study, self-discovery, and exercise.
But your inner fool, your April Fool, knows that's what you need.
So, Happy April Fools Day, dearies. Don't let anybody trick you.
Not Funny, Diet Pills and Stroke
Popular supplements on parade
April Fool's Day
Term Paper, the Fool and the King
The Corporate Fool